Salaam alaykum warahmatullah,
Hmm… Astaghfirllah wa atuubu ilayh
So we all know that verse of the Qur’an where Allah (SWT) gives men the license to marry up to four wives – Q4:3
Q4:3 And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].
I think about this a lot and I wonder if my Iman can ever reach that level of submission and acceptance. The question is how do you determine what is fair and just? Even parents don’t love their children equally. So I wonder, from a man’s perspective; is it fair to ask him to be just when Allah is the only Just One? Or are we misinterpreting the actual meaning of the verse? the verse does incline more towards marrying one since man can never be just, doesn’t it? And Allah goes on to tell reaffirm this in Q4:129.
Q4:129 And you will never be able to be equal [in feeling] between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. So do not incline completely [toward one] and leave another hanging. And if you amend [your affairs] and fear Allah – then indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.
I guess my question to brothers is really – why bother when you know you can’t satisfy the prerequisite anyway?
Now, I doubt that any woman would honestly really want to share her husband (well unless you don’t love him sha… lol). But seriously, I believe most Muslim women have it at the back of their minds that this is a possibility. So the question is how do we handle it? Any mathnas in the house?
Personally, I’m a lover-girl *covers face* and I wonder if my husband will be able to cope with the level of attention I need talk less of having time for another woman. The way I see it, being fair and just between wives is really not a literal thing. So for instance, if you have two wives, being just among them in terms of time doesn’t mean spend the same number of hours with them. Being just would mean evaluating both their needs and determining according to your conscience how to ‘divide’ yourself between them. Or in another instance of material things, you won’t buy the same car for both of them because you’re trying to be just; you would evaluate each person’s preference and deal according to your pocket at the time.
I’m rambling eh? Sorry.
Anyway, moving on from the analyses and justifications; the most common trend for men taking second wives is this: After some years with their first wives, they decide they are ‘old’ or ‘no longer attractive’ then look for some nice looking young sister (correct babe o.. most of the time) and decide they want to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) and help the ummah. Please can someone remind our dear brothers that the Prophet (SAW) also married old widows who couldn’t take care of themselves? That he (SAW) didn’t marry any other wife until Khadijah (RA) died. Read here for details of the wives of the Prophet (SAW).
My point is, if you really want to help the ummah, no one says don’t take a second wife, but please don’t bring in your concubines and turn them to wives. Shikena!
Barakallahu lee wa lakum
السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ